There is one decision that affects everything in your life for the rest of your life in almost every aspect of your life. It affects your work life, your ability to live a simple life, and live the life you want. If this decision is made correctly it won’t actually be a decision, as all of your body, soul and mind will want/need this to happen. It’s not about where you live, go to school, your diet, your job or even if you have kids. This “decision” is who you marry, or the decision not to marry until you find the right person for you.
Built in Support
Marrying the right person means you have a built in support system. By built in support system, I don’t mean someone who agrees with everything you say. If you want that, buy a trained parrot who says “Yes”. When I say the support system, I mean someone who will be your calmer mind when you are crazy. Someone who helps your remember your real, long-term goals. However, you are part of your spouse’s support system, too. But when you are with the right person, you are happy to be able to be their support. You with both need to be strong for each other at different times.
There will be moments that you don’t feel like being the support, but you will have to push through. There will be times when this person does the same for you. Getting support and giving support is a true blessing and makes a lot of life’s difficulties easier to deal with.
This support also means you always have a soft place to fall. You still fall. And you still learn life’s lessons. But you have someone to run to. My husband doesn’t solve all of my problems, but we are a team. We brainstorm, or we listen, or we even just laugh together. If someone is awful to me, and I tell Chris about it, I know he will be there to agree with me.
However, a good partner is also that mirror that we all need. He points out that maybe I am at fault for somethings that have upset me. Granted, this doesn’t make me feel great in the moment, but it allows me to become the best person I can be.
Working Towards Common Goals
Chris and I have some goals that are separate. We also have some goals that are the same. We want to heat with wood. Heating with wood is very time consuming, but for us, it is worth it. Chris and I work together to make sure we can accomplish this. He is the one who does 95% of the work with this. And I appreciate it, and I try to help as best I can. In all things, I am his biggest cheer leader and he is mine (although I look better in the cheer-leading skirt). This is true of goals we share for the household and goals we personally have.
Disagreements Allow Personal Growth
When we have a disagreement, we may argue in less than productive ways, but most of the time we approach our disagreement with open minds. When we disagree, we have an open discussion which allows us to be aware of the other side of the argument, and also allows us to solidify our own side. There are times when we don’t agree at the end of the discussion. At that point, we both walk away and discuss at a later time. This allows our thoughts to mature a little more. Sometimes, this time allows us to mull over what’s going on, and either one of us changes our mind, or we are able to outline our thoughts more clearly so the other one understands. Being able to present your side this way allows for personal growth.
There are something that Chris and I are on the same page on, but we are reading different paragraphs. As time goes one, we may either 100% agree or not. BUT I know that no matter what Chris loves me and I love him. Our love is something that I know is always there, but I never just take it for granted. Multiple times a day, I think about how blessed I am to be able to share my life with such a wonderful human being.
All of this is due to the fact that I married a wonderful guy. If I had married someone else, someone perhaps who wasn’t supportive, or loving or open-minded, I would not have this opportunity for growth. If I were married to a different person with a different personality type, disagreements may cause me to shrink as a person instead of grow. I’m not sure. But I do know that having a partner who I can trust, who trusts me and who helps me be the best me is the biggest blessing anyone could ask for.
Your Home is Your Sanctuary
When I pull in the driveway of my house, I am excited to see my husband and my child. My favorite place to be in the world is with the two of them. The idea of spending the rest of my life with Chris makes me smile. When I am with him, I am home. It struck me years ago, driving home from work, that I was so excited to get home. More excited to get home than when I was single and no one was there. Being married to an amazing partner who was meant for me helped turn my house into a home.
I’ve also heard the other side of things. That one spouse makes life tough. Or they just want some time away from a partner who is overly judgmental, negative or harsh. Being away from their spouse is like a breath of fresh air. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy some time to myself, but that’s speaking as a mom of a toddler, not speaking as a wife.
How does this help with my quest for Simplicity?
Oh my! So much. We both want to live in the country. He eats my recipes and other experiments with food. When we first met, he was on a Burger King and Beer diet. We both wanted chickens, so we both take care of them. We both are invested in our son and are very active in his life and in the decisions we make to raise him.
For Mother’s Day, I spent all day playing in my garden. It was wonderful. He honors the person I am. And he always makes me feel like I’m enough.
Granted sometimes Chris doesn’t like my recipes, or he thinks something I want to try is weird. BUT he always says it with love. Sometimes it hurts my feelings, but because I know the man he is, I am able to grow from his constructive criticism(**Note: this is most of the time, sometimes I react a little less than graciously**).
I can’t imagine being on my journey in life with anyone better. Having the loving support of my husband positively touches all parts of my life. I also believe that if I would have chosen to marry someone else, my life would not be the fairy tale (at least in my opinion) that it is. Chris wouldn’t be the perfect husband for everyone, and I wouldn’t be the perfect wife. But I believe we are perfect for each other.
SO… …What’s your point?
My point is that marrying the right person, someone you love and cherish really does make your life better. BUT marrying someone just so you can be married is going to be a mistake. The person you marry is the person you are probably going to spend the majority of your time with. The decisions you make will affect both of you. And staying single can be a VERY GOOD decision. This allows you to be open to a relationship that will nourish you and help you be the best you you can be. And I think you owe that to yourself.
Why This Most Important Decision isn’t Really a Decision
I needed to marry Chris. I wanted to be with Chris for as far into the future as I could see. It wasn’t a decision, or the “logical next step”. It was something that I knew was meant to be in the deepest truest part of myself. Having a great partner to enjoy your life with is fantastic. Having someone on your side during the most exciting parts of life, your lowest parts of life, or just to share a story with is part of what makes my life what it is.
I actually have to say that I never thought I was going to get married. I was pretty sure I was going to be single forever. And I was certainly proven wrong. So if you are dating the person you KNOW isn’t right for you, I beg you not to waste your time or energy on that anymore. Spend your time on making yourself the best you you can be. That way, when that person who is meant to be your partner for life comes along, you can be the partner they deserve. If you are single, don’t worry, I know there is someone, somewhere who is single and will add to your already wonderful life.
Marrying the right person won’t make a crappy life wonderful, but it will make your pretty dang good life, pretty dang great. However, marrying the wrong person can make your pretty good life absolutely awful. So just make sure that when you decide to commit your life to someone else, you don’t even have to think about it. You already know that they are your future.